Let’s just say I’ve been training for this my whole life.
I am grateful to have a job that is 1) essential, and 2) that allows me to work from home. As quarantine began, my body also succumbed to a sickness that had been trying to overcome me for what seems like month. I am on the tail end of said sickness, but it continues to have a firm grip on my wellbeing nonetheless. I have not worn makeup in well over a week. My hair has not been done. I have been living out of pajamas. Thank goodness I care about hygiene, or else that struggle may be added to this list as well.
As an introvert, this feels like the best homework assignment I have ever received. I can stay home, and save lives? Cool. Sign. Me. Up.
This experience has brought it’s share of anxiety. My husband’s not sure how much longer his job will last, and depending on the length of this quarantine, I’m not either. Finding milk for our little one, toilet paper, food in general, has provoked a lot of anxiety as we know that other’s have responded out of panic and the fear of what could come making it difficult to find necessities. Purchasing our new home has been delayed, and again, with the current climate we are not sure as to how long the delay will last. This would not be that big of a deal, if our days at our old house were not numbered. Most importantly, my favorite coffee shop has been forced to close it’s doors, and a place that many found a refuge and enjoyment is in a large state of uncertainty.
All in all, this time has been kind of beautiful in a sense; life feels more calm, and more supportive. For the first time in a long time, I feel like I have time. Time for anything, and time for nothing, and time to just be and enjoy. We took our son on two walks over the weekend, something that typically would not be able to happen during a typical life cycle; but thanks to slowing down and staying home, we’re feeling more and more like a family. I was worried that I would reflect far too much during this period, as I tend to be a nostalgic fool, but I have found instead that I am more focused on my work, more focused on my son, and more focused on my marriage. Yes, there are drawbacks to staying at home, and to having our usual schedules disrupted, but there are also so many upsides to our wellbeing and our relationships. I know that I never really just sit down to sit, and this is the first time in maybe, ever, that I am doing so. This will pass, as all things do, but I hope the lessons it is teaching me do not.
Slow down. Be aware. Play a little. Love a lot. Be present.